The more I tune in to current reality, the more I show up and pay attention, the more I am Now Here, the more synchronicities I have the pleasure of experiencing. Each occurrence is a sign that I am in harmony with the flow of life, instead of fighting against it or being the fish who’s unaware it’s swimming in water. I am studying the heck out of mental/emotional/physical/spiritual equilibrium these days and it’s wonderful when the insights come in waves which reinforce one another. That’s what keeps me swimming, and what helps me jump back into the water when I can’t see the bottom of the river or which way the current is going.
Speaking of being Now Here, that’s a clever reminder from my man Baron (see Choose Wisely – Part 2). Though I’ve not met him, his teaching greatly benefits Jeph and I, body and spirit, and I am grateful for it. The library has been a great source of synchronistic materials this year – something about wandering the stacks and letting yourself be guided to the material you need…Last week I picked up a book called Meditations from the Mat, by Rolf Gates, and was pleasantly surprised to see his shouts out to Baron, from whom he learned how to really teach others. In the intro, he talks about Baron sharing his teaching philosophy: be there to help others unfold themselves (good metaphor for yoga practice!) and discover their true nature, their core, their essence, their Source. It was a synchronicity to discover the book (which is full of wisdom very much in line with what I am working on) and the connection to Baron. I’ll probably have to buy it so I can continue to benefit and receive inspiration for my own writing.
And carrying on the theme of connecting with your source, I was visiting the Communicatrix (a favorite writer and clever, funny, witty gal) remotely a couple weeks ago and read about The Remembrance Challenge. It sounded like a worthwhile practice so I signed up and today is Day 9 of my effort. It is aligning nicely (synchronicity!) with the pranic healing exercises (will elaborate in future posts) I started around the same time. I’ve been looking for some assistance with meditation and I like the approach here: filling up instead of just emptying. It’s great, and important, to clear out, and I’m doing that too, but it’s really nice to have guidance around what to fill the emptiness with: the pure you, the Real reality. Connecting with that reality which is You Now and Here, and accepting it, provides solid ground to take the next steps. In ‘Getting to the Core of Your Business’ (where The Remembrance is outlined), Mark Silver describes it’s benefit for dealing with the inevitable life crap:
If you are walking and you step into dog poop, it’s not very pleasant. This happens all the time– we step into situations in the world which feel like we landed in the doo-doo. Unfortunately, we spend a lot of time trying
not to have stepped in it.
The truth is, support is right there under our foot. But to take the next step, it feels like we’re sinking deeper into the doo-doo. But that’s the only choice we have, and we find it’s not so bad after all.
The Remembrance gets you through the doo-doo, by putting you squarely where you are. Once there, you remember to witness the Divine Reality, so you feel the strength of the ground under you, holding you up, rather than focusing on the dog doo, that keeps you from taking that next step.
I got a good laugh when I read that because just a day or two beforehand I had stepped in a big pile of…mud…but it looked an awful lot like doo-doo, and I definitely sunk deeply into it. It was cool, though, because J was there and while I muttered “oh-my-god” in a shellshocked way, he sprang into action and directed me around the corner (of the model home who’s window’s we were peering in when this happened) to the water spigot where I was able to rinse off my foot and sandal (and the other foot/sandal for OCD symmetry.) Cool that I was wearing sandals so it was an easy fix. And cool that J is so observant and street savvy – one of the many reasons we’re a good team. It felt really good to react with lightness, even humor, to a messy situation. I take that as a ray of progress for this control freak!
I had a great talk with Norma Jean last night. Ah – girl time! It is such a treat (and too rare these days) to really connect with someone, to have their thoughts/ideas resonate and enlighten, and to get feedback that you are really hearing them and possibly even offering something helpful. I’m grateful for those moments, and those people.
We philosophized about a lot, including getting stuck between realization and action. She’s there: aware of what’s bugging her/not feeling good, aware of what she needs to focus on/do to improve, poised to Just Do It. Waiting for someone to wave the start flag, or something. I can relate because that’s a zone I am pretty familiar with. There are many reasons one can get stuck there:
inertia – bodies at rest tend to stay at rest
being overwhelmed – where to start? is it humanly possible?
fear of failure/lack of confidence
fear of success
attachment to the present/the known
overanalysis/overplanning
It can be frustrating. And sometimes days go by and you wonder if you’re making any progress at all, because the steps you are able to take feel so small and possibly inconsequential. But that’s the way life rolls sometimes; the pace of the universe, which is futile to resist. Great progress can be made at that slow-and-steady pace and the results are often more lasting and sustainable than if you had sprinted.
These phases of life are like a thin beam balanced over a big hole, with firm ground on both sides. You gotta risk falling in order to explore what’s ahead. And the smartest way to do that is to cultivate balance internally (equanimity), before you even set foot on the beam. Then, step lightly, and move cautiously while remaining, calm, focused, and patient. Trembling with fear, hurrying, looking backward or off to the side, letting your mind wander – these are the things that can throw you off.
Keep in mind, always, that falling will not kill you. In this analogy, the hole is not going to consume you. If you fall, you will definitely be able to get up and climb back onto the beam. The only thing which would prevent you doing that, as many times as it takes, is your motivation, confidence, and commitment. So, please don’t let fear of the unknown (what’s on the other side), fear of falling and staying down, or attachment to the present keep you from stepping onto that beam.Keep moving. Keep exploring. You can always go back and visit.
It’s a big world out there, full of exciting things and potentials and much of the good stuff requires walking on balance beams. By doing it now, and again tomorrow, and maybe the next day…you will become better at it. It will become easier and more comfortable. Your confidence will grow. And you will really be living(!), not just sitting in one spot wondering what else there is.
So, I’m editing the Happy Living Method, outlined in my last post; breaking step 4 into two steps, which acknowledges that planning and implementation are two separate processes. Here’s the update:
identify what you have control over (this will become your game plan, and it’s also how you choose to react to what comes your way)
identify what is beyond your control (this is the thoughts and actions of other people, as well as some of the circumstances which come your way each day)
accept and make peace with what is beyond your control and trust in the universe and its rhythms; then shift the focus to cultivating gratitude for all the good stuff (make a list) and controlling what you can
make a plan with clear action steps and timeframes (see #1)
start playing the game, following your plan, moving through your action list (crossing off, adding to, adjusting as you go), and reacting to the unplanned (spontaneity is inevitable, and good!), all with confidence in yourself
Yesterday I found myself with low energy, easily annoyed and frustrated, and feeling impatient. I felt my tight mouth and serious eyes and knew how much better a smile, smiling eyes, and some laughter would feel. I was able to step far enough outside of my reality to observe it, and that is a step in the right direction. It is very easy to go through life not even getting that far. As I read last night in Why Meditate?*, “It’s a rare fish that knows it swims in water.” So I paused for a moment, to celebrate that progress. Then I asked, “Why am I feeling this way and what can I do to improve?”
As usual, brisk walking, fresh air, sunshine, and someone cool and smart, like Jeph, to bounce ideas off of, is my best method for improving mood, increasing energy, and figuring life out. Sometimes the reasons for negativity are obvious and tangible, stuff like: health/hormones, an interview or speech, workload, communicating, finances, etc…I’ve been actively learning how to identify such stressors and developing techniques to redirect that energy. And that’s going pretty good! But this scenario was slightly different because the reasons were not obvious. The process I’ve been developing is: 1) recognize when I’m not feeling great/not enjoying life, 2) determine the sources of the negativity, and 3) take action to redirect. So the question became, “If I realize I’m not feeling great, but I’m not sure why, how can I move on?”
When life is subtle, our method of must be subtle, too. I should be pretty good at that by now because there has been way more nuance than concreteness in my life lately. Subtlety is about putting one foot in front of the other, at a steady pace, which in this case meant listing the possible reasons form my less than stellar mood. Having Jeph listen and add to the list was most helpful, but this could also be done with a good old-fashioned pen and paper. The point is to let your mind loose and see what bubbles to the surface, like forming multiple hypotheses for the science experiment of your life. It was a fruitful activity for me and generated several possible reasons: 1) I am impatient to be out of the temporary apartment/Boston but anxious about the still unknowns, 2) I am concerned about the energy needed to pack and load our stuff again, and 3) visiting my mom brings up old patterns of negativity including anger that I didn’t/don’t have strong parental life guidance, and fear that I could become pessimistic and unengaged in life like her. So, with three possibilities in hand, the next question was, “Should I treat the hypothetical as actual and act accordingly?”
J and I tossed that around for a bit. My gut guidance was that when you probe for reasons, the issues which come into consciousness are having an impact. Even though the connection between these patterns of negativity and my current state were not obvious, they were still real. Connecting the dots in this way requires trust in your internal compass – it’s like feeling your way through a dark tunnel and as you make the decision to make the connections, some light starts filtering in from up ahead. Because, once you know the sources pulling your energy down, you can face them, head on. You’re at step 3: redirect. So how do you redirect the negatives?
The method is the same as when you are activating the positive or sustaining its momentum:
identify what you have control over (this is your game plan, your action items, and how you react to what comes your way)
identify what is beyond your control (this is the thoughts and actions of other people, as well as all that comes your way each day)
accept and make peace with what is beyond your control and trust in the universe and its rhythms; then shift the focus to cultivating gratitude for all the good stuff (make a list)
start playing the game, following your plan, moving through your action list (crossing off, adding to, adjusting as you go), and reacting to the unplanned (spontaneity is inevitable, and good!), all with confidence in yourself
I intend to practice this method with consistency, so that it becomes instinctual and creates an environment (internal) that isn’t conducive to stress.
*Developing this method of living consciously then reading the excerpt from Voluntary Simplicity later that night was definitely synchronicity at work. A passage:
The crucial importance of penetrating behind our continuous stream of thought (as largely unconscious and lightning-fast flows of inner fantasy-dialogue) is stressed by every major consciousness tradition in the world: Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu, Sufi, Zen, and so on. Western cultures, however, have fostered the understanding that a state of continual mental distraction is in the natural order of things. Consequently, by virtue of a largely unconscious social agreement about the nature of our inner thought processes, we live individually and collectively almost totally embedded within our mentally constructed reality. We are so busy creating ever more appealing images or social facades for others to see, and so distracted from the simplicity of our spontaneously arising self, that we do not truly encounter either ourselves or one another. In the process we lose a large measure of our innate capacity for voluntary, deliberate, intentional action.
The weather was a pleasant surprise – warmer and more sun than forecasted. When I caught myself giving thought to what I didn’t receive – call/card/email from mother (forgetful and not actively engaged in my life), dad (gone, and never had a relationship), brother (totally wrapped up in his own drama and makes no effort to keep in touch), and friends – I grabbed my mind by the ear and forcefully redirected it. Just remembering it now, I can feel my energy sink. Because, it is an energy drain to focus on what you think you should have but don’t. It creates a hole in your core which keeps gobbling up all the good elements of your life to feed it’s aching emptiness. That’s never pleasant, or productive, and should always be caught and redirected. And, especially on my birthday – a day to celebrate one’s essence and existence in this lifetime – I wasn’t about to go there.
I frequently wonder if I’m making any progress in my efforts to still my mind, open up to universal wisdom and guidance, recognize and clear blockages, and strengthen my inner source of power (through meditation, yoga, qi gung, chakra work, and acupuncture.) I still catch my mind wandering all the time, still feel blocked energy, and still sense that inner light struggling to really shine. Perhaps this an example of progress: catching my mind/heart wandering into negative thoughts/feelings of entitlement, disappointment, comparison, and lacking, and shifting the focus. It is hard to do, for sure, but as is always the case, practice gradually makes an action more comfortable and automatic. As that happens, energy is freed up for other good stuff, like being Now Here to soak up the sun, listen to the birds sing, and breathe – ahhh.
What I decided to think and feel on the 39th anniversary of my first breath is all the good stuff my life is full of:
Love and support from family and friends, expressed and just known
A very loving, supportive, cool, fun partner to share this road with
Loving, supportive furry friends (the boys) with lucky tail powers
The earth which supports and nourishes me
The universe which guides and protects me
The opportunities which each moment presents
All I am learning about how to cultivate true health of body/mind/heart/spirit
The healing touch of acupuncture treatments
Coming home to a clean house, smelling of chocolate
Enjoying a play, and homemade brownies during intermission, in the courtyard, in the warm, fresh Spring nighttime air
A genuine, down-to-earth Birthday Happiness Wish and smile from the woman we chatted about vintage bikes with – that made my night
A freshly made bed to crawl into
Freedom – to choose what I focus my intention on and how I act and react
Marj, the acupuncturist, said today that she is “still searching for that place that just ‘feels right’” and I told her that’s what I’m doing too! It’s nice to know Jeph and I aren’t the only ones, and I’m so lucky to have a partner on the road. She also said “moving, exploring, taking chances is like opening up the window in a really stuff room” to which I added “yes, the fresh air is worth it, even if there’s a tornado outside!”
The point is, this is a learning process, this is life evolution. The thing which makes me saddest (besides humans hurting other humans, creatures, and the planet) is life and opportunities squandered. It’s OK to lose your balance, even to fall down. Quicksand is rare and less dangerous than it sounds. Sometimes taking a load off your feet and just being, right there on the side of the road, is what’s needed. Other times, a walking partner provides needed companionship; someone to share the road for awhile. You can learn a lot from what other people are experiencing. Sometimes the steps are heavy, the weather is stormy, and the path is rough. Other days are sunny and you are running or skipping down easy street. Remember to stop and smell the flowers, or marvel at the power of storm clouds and rain. Don’t let fear (of failure, of the unknown) stop you in your tracks. And don’t get caught longing for the end of the rainbow or you miss the beauty and illumination it is offering Right Now.
Baron Baptiste says, “we are either now here, or we are no where.” That has been an important teaching for me for several years now, but only recently did I slow down enough to realise that “now here” and “no where” are two variations of the same reality. What a perfect illustration of The Power of Choice.
Yep, it’s been about 3 months since I posted here. Why, when I’ve got so much to say on a daily basis? Well, it just seems strange writing with an imaginary audience in mind. I’m not fully writing for Me and I’m not fully writing for You, because I don’t know who You are. So these days I’m using my writing as a tool for exploring my life and what it all means. It’s therapy – and it doesn’t need to be posted on the www.
I still want to share, big time, and I think that’s the most fun when there’s a specific focus. For example, I loved, loved, loved doing our home renovation blog and cannot wait to do another one of those! This time my goal is to do daily posts and also to link to it at other reno/building/design sites. That, and sharing it with friends and family throughout the project, should provide a clear sense of audience and connection.
I’m trying to think of a clever focus for our next road trip (coming soon.) When we drove from SF to Grand Blanc in 1999 Gumby and Bendy rode on the dashboard and got photographed in scenic locales like the Hoover Dam. That was a specific story, and it was fun. I haven’t been hit by divine inspiration yet so, as Jeph would say, “Please hold.”
Funny story: last month I found myself humming a song, but didn’t know where it came from or what it was. I consulted my handy trivia source, Jeph, who informed it it was “Ease on Down the Road” from the musical, and movie, The Wiz. I’ve never seen either and have no idea what made it pop into my head. We got the movie from Netflix and watched it on Christmas day which was appropriate because this version of the Wizard of Oz takes place during the holiday season.
It’s an appropriate theme song to have accompanying me at any time, because I am a Dorothy, and because I look at life as an ongoing journey down a winding road. It’s particularly interesting that it came to me right around the time we were planning our latest move.
I generally walk fast. It’s partly due to my East coast roots – no time for dilly dallying (even more true when it’s cold out.) Add to that my Taurean impatience – slow walkers, people standing around chatting, baby strollers and stray children, step aside please. It’s not that I don’t enjoy walking, that it’s just a means of getting where I’m going. Quite the opposite as I, in fact, try to get out for a stroll every day, if possible, and find it both refreshing and meditative. I just like move at a lively clip, to get the heart pumping and lungs working, and to cover more ground.
That being said, naturally I prefer not to wait for a crossing signal when the coast is clear. It’s an unnecessary drag on the momentum. So, as I coasted, on foot, up to a red crossing signal today, and observed a police officer stopped there, and no cars approaching, my instinct and my assimilated citizen persona had a quick and dirty duel. Guess which side one?
I looked both ways and kept right on marching. About two steps off the curb, though, a “hold on there”, or some similar halt, was heard. Being kind of intimidated by people in starched uniforms with guns, clubs, and walkie talkies, I halted and turned to him asking incredulously, but politely, “are you standing there enforcing the crossing signal?” He replied that no he was just waiting for the light to turn green, and emphasized that I needed to do the same. Santa Monica is the only place I know to have strict rules against jaywalking, and it has peeved me while walking around there. I’ve always taken it as my right, everywhere else, to cross the street when I please. “So it’s actually a law that I must stop and wait for this light?” I continued my questioning, while trying to catch my dropping jaw. “Yes”, he said with a slight chuckle at my lack of knowledge. My anarchistic wheels were spinning hard, superseding the intimidation of authority. “What is the penalty for failing to stop?” With another perplexed chuckle, “Well, I’m not totally sure. A ticket and maybe even a fine.” With one eye locked on the crossing signal, hoping for a change before instinct or bluntness, or both, got me in trouble, and jumping off the curb at the green light, I called out as I stoked up that forward momentum, “Hmph, well I guess you learn something new every day.”
Why is there a law that limits when I may cross the street? I’m not a total anarchist. I do belive in a level of governing principles for society, but this is well beyond that level. He’s a peace officer, right? Fine, then. Go encourage peace by working with the homeless man who spends his time at the bus stop right next to the crossing point and in the park across the street. Maybe he’s tried. I don’t know. I know there’s not an easy fix for homelessness. But, my point is that there are certainly better uses of everyone’s time than creating, enforcing, and abiding by a useless law like this.
I believe in personal freedom, as long as it doesn’t involve hurting anyone else (creatures and the environment included.) Some other examples? A woman’s right to choose whether to have a child. Everyone’s right to choose who they are intimate with, and to make it a legal bond. To the people who disagree with abortion and gay marriage I say “It’s not your right to limit the rights of others.” While I find it idiotic for people to ride motorcycles without a helmet, or ride in a car without the seat belt, I don’t think there should be laws against these things either.
It’s pretty obvious I’ll always be Dorothy from New Hampshire, who’s state motto is “Live Free or Die.”
KQED’s (SF public radio station) Forum program invited listeners to call and share their reaction to this election, and how (if at all) they intended to get involved in our democracy, as Obama is asking us to do. I tried and tried, but just kept getting the busy signal. It would have been the first time sharing my perspective on the radio, even though I’ve been listening for years. I guess that’s a little example of how I plan to get involved: to use my “voice” (whether written, verbal, or physical/mental/emotional action), to share my thoughts/feelings/ideas, to ask questions, to make suggestions, and to try different options (experiment.) Isn’t that what this thing called life is all about – learning, growing, figuring stuff out? The other key element in doing all that is listening (again, not just hearing, but observing, sensing, and reading, too.) Through this give and take, done with an open mind and heart, the evolution of consciousness occurs.
Yes, money equals power, unfortunately, at this current blip on the path of human consciousness and it takes mind boggling amounts to get elected. But, what really mattered in this election was our personal experiences. Concerns about survival (good work, food, shelter, safety, and hope for the future) are affecting a majority of people on this planet, not just the poor and marginalized. The fundamentals of human, and therefore planetary, life are in need of fresh approaches.
Jeph and I watched a recorded teaching by the Dalai Lama last night. Much of the session focused on the history of Buddhism (names of places it was taught, teachers, and documents/sections of documents) and I didn’t absorb a lot of that. What I took away is fairly basic: discourage anger and ignorance (not just the absence of knowledge but also the belief that your knowledge is right) and encourage emptiness (an awareness of the finiteness of material reality and the infinity of the soul.)
As I harness my new found hope for the future (yay!) and do my part to lead us in a positive direction, I will follow that guidance.
This is my reaction to the election results, which I shared with family and friends who I thought would relate. There are other family and friends who I think would have preferred a different outcome and I hope we can work towards increased understanding and collaboration on all the goals and dreams we do share.
What a great gift we have been given, and it came when we Really Really need it!
Let’s all pick ourselves up off the floor where we’ve been crouching, dust off the fallout of 8 loooooooooooooong years, envision a country we can be proud of (and the world can respect) again, and DO SOME GOOD for each other, our communities, and the people and creatures across the globe who need and deserve to be raised up. No politician/no human is perfect, and Obama is not a god, but he offers commitment to positive change and hope for a brighter future. A class act, and what a classy first family! How wonderful to be inspired by words that are spoken with eloquence and true passion. I look forward to not turning off the tv or radio every time our administration speaks, but rather listening with interest. “Two wars, a planet in peril, and the worst financial crisis in a century.” Things are a mess all over. It will probably get worse before it gets better. The good stuff in life is rarely easy, though, and inspiring leadership along with actively engaged citizens will go along way towards guiding us on the journey. I just jumped up and down and did some jumping jacks and it felt great.
Let’s cultivate kindness. Let’s question reality. Let’s write a good chapter.
Jeph and I went to a talk at UC Berkeley tonight; part of the Art and Technology Colloquium organized by their Center for New Media. The presenter was Luke Dubois. Through sharing a variety of his past, current, and planned projects, he explored the evolution of information flow, and some of the ways he is dissecting and reinterpreting it.
He’s very technically savvy and creates software to play around with data and produce new compositions. It’s not solely remixing because he creates many of the programs which morph the data, and conceives of new material (such as an original score, original film, etc) which complements what is altered. As a hard core Taurus, I tend to look for tactile analogies to conceptual discussions so I visualize the data as clay which he is sculpting and reforming.
Zooming in on how we experience time makes sense, because that is being dramatically impacted by the flow of data, which is a direct result of technological evolution. We watched a few scattered moments of his Academy piece (a compression of sound and image of 75 years of Academy Awards winners into 1 minute segments.) While the Casablanca segment was distinguishable and surprisingly easy to focus on, the Chicago segment was jarring and unfocused. As he explained, average film shot lengths have gone from 26 minutes down to 6. That’s a reality we might not be aware of while viewing the movies in their normal form, but when compressed (as he seems fond of doing) the change is tangible.
For his Hindsight is 20/20 project, the data is US State of the Union addresses. Using statistical methods to order words by frequency, representing the most frequent (in the format of an eye exam chart) in the largest size and getting smaller from there, the priorities of each administration are distilled for us. Stripping away the sound and image (of the radio and then televised broadcasts) simplifies the message and allows the reader to focus their interpretation without the layers of sensory distraction. A great example of using sophisticated tools yet simplifying the output.
I’m not advocating for one minute movies, or written presidential addresses, but rather appreciating the analysis such changes in perception encourage. And that’s what’s fascinating to me, how the application of technology, which can cause much complication and confusion, can also get us thinking in novel ways. The ever expanding arsenal of available tools can either contribute to information overload, or be used to provide clarity. The latter takes real talent.
