e-volved living

May 16th is my Birthday…

The weather was a pleasant surprise – warmer and more sun than forecasted.  When I caught myself giving thought to what I didn’t receive – call/card/email from mother (forgetful and not actively engaged in my life), dad (gone, and never had a relationship), brother (totally wrapped up in his own drama and makes no effort to keep in touch), and friends – I grabbed my mind by the ear and forcefully redirected it.  Just remembering it now, I can feel my energy sink.  Because, it is an energy drain to focus on what you think you should have but don’t.  It creates a hole in your core which keeps gobbling up all the good elements of your life to feed it’s aching emptiness.  That’s never pleasant, or productive, and should always be caught and redirected.  And, especially on my birthday – a day to celebrate one’s essence and existence in this lifetime – I wasn’t about to go there.

I frequently wonder if I’m making any progress in my efforts to still my mind, open up to universal wisdom and guidance, recognize and clear blockages, and strengthen my inner source of power (through meditation, yoga, qi gung, chakra work, and acupuncture.)  I still catch my mind wandering all the time, still feel blocked energy, and still sense that inner light struggling to really shine.  Perhaps this an example of progress: catching my mind/heart wandering into negative thoughts/feelings of entitlement, disappointment, comparison, and lacking, and shifting the focus.  It is hard to do, for sure, but as is always the case, practice gradually makes an action more comfortable and automatic.  As that happens, energy is freed up for other good stuff, like being Now Here to soak up the sun, listen to the birds sing, and breathe – ahhh.

What I decided to think and feel on the 39th anniversary of my first breath is all the good stuff my life is full of:

• Love and support from family and friends, expressed and just known
• A very loving, supportive, cool, fun partner to share this road with
• Loving, supportive furry friends (the boys) with lucky tail powers
• The earth which supports and nourishes me
• The universe which guides and protects me
• The opportunities which each moment presents
• All I am learning about how to cultivate true health of body/mind/heart/spirit
• The healing touch of acupuncture treatments
• Coming home to a clean house, smelling of chocolate
• Enjoying a play, and homemade brownies during intermission,  in the courtyard, in the warm, fresh Spring nighttime air
• A genuine, down-to-earth Birthday Happiness Wish and smile from the woman we chatted about vintage bikes with – that made my night
• A freshly made bed to crawl into
• Freedom – to choose what I focus my intention on and how I act and react

I am truly blessed and grateful.