e-volved living

I had a great talk with Norma Jean last night.  Ah – girl time!  It is such a treat (and too rare these days) to really connect with someone, to have their thoughts/ideas resonate and enlighten, and to get feedback that you are really hearing them and possibly even offering something helpful.  I’m grateful for those moments, and those people.

We philosophized about a lot, including getting stuck between realization and action.  She’s there:  aware of what’s bugging her/not feeling good, aware of what she needs to focus on/do to improve, poised to Just Do It.  Waiting for someone to wave the start flag, or something. I can relate because that’s a zone I am pretty familiar with.  There are many reasons one can get stuck there:

• inertia – bodies at rest tend to stay at rest
• being overwhelmed – where to start?  is it humanly possible?
• fear of failure/lack of confidence
• fear of success
• attachment to the present/the known
• overanalysis/overplanning

It can be frustrating.  And sometimes days go by and you wonder if you’re making any progress at all, because the steps you are able to take feel so small and possibly inconsequential.  But that’s the way life rolls sometimes; the pace of the universe, which is futile to resist.  Great progress can be made at that slow-and-steady pace and the results are often more lasting and sustainable than if you had sprinted.

These phases of life are like a thin beam balanced over a big hole, with firm ground on both sides.  You gotta risk falling in order to explore what’s ahead.   And the smartest way to do that is to cultivate balance internally (equanimity), before you even set foot on the beam.  Then, step lightly, and move cautiously while remaining, calm, focused, and patient.  Trembling with fear, hurrying, looking backward or off to the side, letting your mind wander – these are the things that can throw you off.

Keep in mind, always, that falling will not kill you.  In this analogy, the hole is not going to consume you.  If you fall, you will definitely be able to get up and climb back onto the beam.  The only thing which would prevent you doing that, as many times as it takes, is your motivation, confidence, and commitment.  So, please don’t let fear of the unknown (what’s on the other side), fear of falling and staying down, or attachment to the present keep you from stepping onto that beam.Keep moving.  Keep exploring.  You can always go back and visit.

It’s a big world out there, full of exciting things and potentials and much of the good stuff requires walking on balance beams.  By doing it now, and again tomorrow, and maybe the next day…you will become better at it.  It will become easier and more comfortable.  Your confidence will grow.  And you will really be living(!), not just sitting in one spot wondering what else there is.

So, I’m editing the Happy Living Method, outlined in my last post; breaking step 4 into two steps, which acknowledges that planning and implementation are two separate processes.  Here’s the update:

1. identify what you have control over (this will become your game plan, and  it’s also how you choose to react to what comes your way)
2. identify what is beyond your control (this is the thoughts and actions of other people, as well as some of the circumstances which come your way each day)
3. accept and make peace with what is beyond your control and trust  in the universe and its rhythms; then shift the focus to cultivating gratitude for all the good stuff (make a list) and controlling what you can
4. make a plan with clear action steps and timeframes (see #1)
5. start playing the game, following your plan, moving through your action list (crossing off, adding to, adjusting as you go), and reacting to the unplanned (spontaneity is inevitable, and good!), all with confidence in yourself