I really like the process he breaks it down to:

1. What’s the next step?
2. What’s in the way of taking that step?
3. Remove* the obstacle
4. Take the step
5. Go to 1.

*In many cases, the word Remove can be replaced by Disregard or Ignore

It really is that simple.

Interestingly, I was reading the list of other (many) books the author, Peter McWilliams, wrote and saw Ain’t Nobody’s Business if You Do: The Absurdity of Consensual Crimes in a Free Society. Jeph’s had that book as part of his collection for a long time and as soon as it is out of storage and back on our bookshelves I plan to dig into it.

I went to Wikipedia to read about McWilliams and learned that he grew up in metro Detroit (where we are at present) and studied Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), among other things.  So I continued on to read about REBT and am finding this method of training the mind particularly intriguing.  Here is one passage I pulled from the Wikipedia entry:

There is usually no way to get better and stay better but by: continual work and practice in looking for, and finding, one’s core irrational beliefs; actively, energetically, and scientifically disputing them; replacing one’s absolutist musts with flexible preferences; changing one’s unhealthy feelings to healthy, self-helping emotions; and firmly acting against one’s dysfunctional fears and compulsions. Only by a combined cognitive, emotive, and behavioral, as well as a quite persistent and forceful attack on one’s serious emotional problems, is one likely to significantly ameliorate or remove them — and keep them removed.

Did you see our word for the day “persistent”?!

I really like that it is rooted in the Now:

REBT differs from other clinical approaches like psychoanalysis in that it places little emphasis on exploring the past, but instead focuses on changing the current evaluations and philosophical thinking-emoting and behaving in relation to themselves, others and the conditions under which people live.

So this book which caught my eye led me down quite a rabbit hole of synchronicity and filled my plate with  food for thought.  Thanks A & M for spurring on the opening of doors and providing a refueling station.

This photo will make sense when you get to the final paragraph.

The more I tune in to current reality, the more I show up and pay attention, the more I am Now Here, the more synchronicities I have the pleasure of experiencing. Each occurrence is a sign that I am in harmony with the flow of life, instead of fighting against it or being the fish who’s unaware it’s swimming in water. I am studying the heck out of mental/emotional/physical/spiritual equilibrium these days and it’s wonderful when the insights come in waves which reinforce one another. That’s what keeps me swimming, and what helps me jump back into the water when I can’t see the bottom of the river or which way the current is going.

Speaking of being Now Here, that’s a clever reminder from my man Baron (see Choose Wisely – Part 2). Though I’ve not met him, his teaching greatly benefits Jeph and I, body and spirit, and I am grateful for it.  The library has been a great source of synchronistic materials this year – something about wandering the stacks and letting yourself be guided to the material you need…Last week I picked up a book called Meditations from the Mat, by Rolf Gates, and was  pleasantly surprised to see his shouts out to Baron, from whom he learned how to really teach others.  In the intro, he talks about Baron sharing his teaching philosophy: be there to help others unfold themselves (good metaphor for yoga practice!) and discover their true nature, their core, their essence, their Source.  It was a synchronicity to discover the book (which is full of wisdom very much in line with what I am working on) and the connection to Baron.  I’ll probably have to buy it so I can continue to benefit and receive inspiration for my own writing.

And carrying on the theme of connecting with your source, I was visiting the Communicatrix (a favorite writer and clever, funny, witty gal) remotely a couple weeks ago and read about The Remembrance Challenge.  It sounded like a worthwhile practice so I signed up and today is Day 9 of my effort.  It is aligning nicely (synchronicity!) with the pranic healing exercises (will elaborate in future posts) I started around the same time. I’ve been looking for some assistance with meditation and I like the approach here: filling up instead of just emptying. It’s great, and important, to clear out, and I’m doing that too, but it’s really nice to have guidance around what to fill the emptiness with: the pure you, the Real reality.  Connecting with that reality which is You Now and Here, and accepting it, provides solid ground to take the next steps.  In ‘Getting to the Core of Your Business’ (where The Remembrance is outlined), Mark Silver describes it’s benefit for dealing with the inevitable life crap:

If you are walking and you step into dog poop, it’s not very pleasant. This happens all the time– we step into situations in the world which feel like we landed in the doo-doo. Unfortunately, we spend a lot of time trying
not to have stepped in it.
The truth is, support is right there under our foot. But to take the next step, it feels like we’re sinking deeper into the doo-doo. But that’s the only choice we have, and we find it’s not so bad after all.
The Remembrance gets you through the doo-doo, by putting you squarely where you are. Once there, you remember to witness the Divine Reality, so you feel the strength of the ground under you, holding you up, rather than focusing on the dog doo, that keeps you from taking that next step.

I got a good laugh when I read that because just a day or two beforehand I had stepped in a big pile of…mud…(see photo) but it looked an awful lot like doo-doo, and I definitely sunk deeply into it.  It was cool, though, because J was there and while I muttered “oh-my-god” in a shellshocked way, he sprang into action and directed me around the corner (of the model home who’s window’s we were peering in when this happened) to the water spigot where I was able to rinse off my foot and sandal (and the other foot/sandal for OCD symmetry.)  Cool that I was wearing sandals so it was an easy fix.  And cool that J is so observant and street savvy – one of the many reasons we’re a good team.  It felt really good to react with lightness, even humor, to a messy situation.  I take that as a ray of progress for this control freak!

As usual, brisk walking, fresh air, sunshine, and someone cool and smart, like Jeph, to bounce ideas off of, is my best method for improving mood, increasing energy, and figuring life out.  Sometimes the reasons for negativity are obvious and tangible, stuff like: health/hormones, an interview or speech, workload, communicating,  finances, etc…I’ve been actively learning how to identify such stressors and developing techniques to redirect that energy.  And that’s going pretty good!  But this scenario was slightly different because the reasons were not obvious.  The process I’ve been developing is: 1) recognize when I’m not feeling great/not enjoying life, 2) determine the sources of the negativity, and 3) take action to redirect.  So the question became, “If I realize I’m not feeling great, but I’m not sure why, how can I move on?”

When life is subtle, our method of  must be subtle, too.  I should be pretty good at that by now because there has been way more nuance than concreteness in my life lately.  Subtlety is about putting one foot in front of the other, at a steady pace, which in this case meant listing the possible reasons form my less than stellar mood.  Having Jeph listen and add to the list was most helpful, but this could also be done with a good old-fashioned pen and paper.  The point is to let your mind loose and see what bubbles to the surface, like forming multiple hypotheses for the science experiment of your life.  It was a fruitful activity for me and generated several possible reasons: 1) I am impatient to be out of the temporary apartment/Boston but anxious about the still unknowns, 2) I am concerned about the energy needed to pack and load our stuff again, and 3) visiting my mom brings up old patterns of negativity including anger that I didn’t/don’t have strong parental life guidance, and fear that I could become pessimistic and unengaged in life like her.  So, with three possibilities in hand, the next question was, “Should I treat the hypothetical as actual and act accordingly?”

J and I tossed that around for a bit.  My gut guidance was that when you probe for reasons, the issues which come into consciousness are having an impact.  Even though the connection between these patterns of negativity and my current state were not obvious, they were still real.  Connecting the dots in this way requires trust in your internal compass – it’s like feeling your way through a dark tunnel and as you make the decision to make the connections, some light starts filtering in from up ahead.  Because, once you know the sources pulling your energy down, you can face them, head on.  You’re at step 3: redirect. So how do you redirect the negatives?

The method is the same as when you are activating the positive or sustaining its momentum:

1. identify what you have control over (this is your game plan, your action items, and how you react to what comes your way)
2. identify what is beyond your control (this is the thoughts and actions of other people, as well as all that comes your way each day)
3. accept and make peace with what is beyond your control and trust  in the universe and its rhythms; then shift the focus to cultivating gratitude for all the good stuff (make a list)
4. start playing the game, following your plan, moving through your action list (crossing off, adding to, adjusting as you go), and reacting to the unplanned (spontaneity is inevitable, and good!), all with confidence in yourself

I intend to practice this method with consistency, so that it becomes instinctual and creates an environment (internal) that isn’t conducive to stress.

*Developing this method of living consciously then reading the excerpt from Voluntary Simplicity later that night was definitely synchronicity at work.   A passage:

The crucial importance of penetrating behind our continuous stream of thought (as largely unconscious and lightning-fast flows of inner fantasy-dialogue) is stressed by every major consciousness tradition in the world: Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu, Sufi, Zen, and so on.  Western cultures, however, have fostered the understanding that a state of continual mental distraction is in the natural order of things.  Consequently, by virtue of a largely unconscious social agreement about the nature of our inner thought processes, we live individually and collectively almost totally embedded within our mentally constructed reality.  We are so busy creating ever more appealing images or social facades for others to see, and so distracted from the simplicity of our spontaneously arising self, that we do not truly encounter either ourselves or one another.  In the process we lose a large measure of our innate capacity for voluntary, deliberate, intentional action.